SEX: The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly
Filed in: Vanessa Waters
The Mute Button is Off!
Open Your Eyes, Your Ears, Your Mind & Your Mouth
by Natalie GeldWhyAreWeWhispering.com
Vanessa talks with Natalie Geld about the profound inhumanity and sexual brutality towards women and what we can do to evolve…
Note from Nat* If anyone doubts the issues discussed here and is on the fence about our interconnectedness, here's a poke back: As I was sitting quietly at dawn, sipping coffee and editing this article in a cozy café in Bath, England…someone attempted to upload a file into my laptop via a nearby Bluetooth hack. Just before I turned off my Airport Express Internet connection to thwart the infiltration, it slipped through – a jpeg file aptly titled 'myc*ck.'
On some level that may seem humorous because I'm an adult female, free and able in my world to literally shut it down…but what if this were your 8 year old daughter who may not even know to tell you? Or your teenage sister, who clicks on the link and that man that sent it is near her, has access to her and has considered her this way? This action is a virtual and literal exclamation point to these important issues among us… Please Read On, Join Us and Become a [R]evolutionary!
Natalie: You represented Australia at the United Nations Commission on the Status of Women in NYC earlier this year. What is the status of women around our world today?
Vanessa: Violence towards women has become a global emergency, according to the United Nations, with gender-based violence affecting women and girls in every country regardless of their age, race, education, income or ethnicity. We have a real problem, and it’s pervasive.
Millions of women and girls are dying from poverty related hunger each year, UN experts estimate, and two thirds of the world’s illiterate are women - with 60 million girls having no access to primary school education.
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Natalie: If we don’t witness it first hand, why should we care?
Vanessa: We are all in this together. It is our absolute responsibility to create and promote a safe and just world where everyone is entitled to basic human rights - regardless of sex, age, race or religion.
As Archbishop Desmond Tutu said: “Women and girls around the world face great challenges. They bear an unjust burden and this must change for the benefit of all humanity. We must act with common purpose and speak with one voice to change global policies and wills so that gender justice and an end to poverty can be achieved.”
Natalie: How did this experience influence you personally?
Vanessa: It felt incredible to be surrounded by women and men from every conceivable nation around the world; to hear first hand about the challenges being endured on a global scale along with the heroic acts that are taking place. It reinforced the fact that we all have an obligation to reach out, extend ourselves and help one another.
Natalie: What exactly is going on regarding women and violence?
Vanessa: Domestic violence is the most common form of violence against women with at least one in three women subjected to intimate partner violence within the course of their lifetime; with 70% of female murder victims in Australia, Canada, Israel, South Africa, and the United States being killed by their husbands or boyfriends.
Something must be done!
Denis Mukwege, a Congelese gynecologist reports that he performs as many as six rape related surgeries per day – many of these on girls who have not reached puberty. Genital mutilation (along with sexual slavery, torture and humiliation) is rife in the Congo where the number of survivors of sexual violence is estimated to be in excess of 40,000. He works amongst hospital beds filled with women on their backs - colostomy bags hanging next to them due to internal damage. No woman is spared, with Dr. Mukwege revealing his oldest patient was 75, and his youngest, a three-year-old baby. It’s horrific!
Cambodian girls as young as 14 are forced into prostitution and regularly tortured via electrocution. Brothel owners charge large sums of money for sex with virgins, with many girls enduring painful stitching afterwards; their ‘virginity’ being resold numerous times.
Natalie: To dispel the myth that the majority of clients are foreigners, Mu Sochua, a politician with the opposition Sam Rainsy Party and a former minister for women's affairs, told Al Jazeera that most of Cambodia's sex industry was supported by local demand, approximately 70% as the force driving this abuse. He revealed that some of these local customers are high-ranking officials, including the military, the police, civil servants, and rich businessmen who have lots of money.
Vanessa: Yes, in fact, according to the United Nations, human trafficking is the third most profitable criminal activity after illicit trade in drugs and arms.
2 - 4 million women and children will be sold into prostitution in the next 12 months.Natalie: It sounds like women are treated worse than chattel…Many of these children are sold into the sexual slavery for as little as $10 and some are as young as 5.
Anderson Cooper 360
Human trafficking is the second largest organized crime in the world. It has become a bigger business than drug trafficking and generates more than $9.5 billion a year.
US State Department
The sexual trafficking and slavery of children is one of those evils that most of us are either too squeamish to acknowledge, too cowardly to challenge, or too comfortable to address.
Ron Livingston, Actor
Vanessa: Exactly, Kristof reports that “Brothel owners and pimps use violence, humiliation and narcotics to shatter girls’ self esteem and terrorize them into unquestioning, instantaneous obedience.” In the case of Pross, she was kept locked inside the brothel with her hands tied behind her back at all times, except when she was with customers. Female infanticide and neglect of girls is widespread in Asia, Africa and the Middle East. In countries such as Iran, women are raped and then stoned to death for ‘adultery’.
And there’s more. Women in Pakistan, Asia and India are the victims of vicious acid attacks, and in Saudi Arabia girls as young as 8 are being forced to marry men more than triple their age. It is only when the girl reaches puberty that she is allowed to request a divorce, and without support is unlikely to receive it.
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Natalie: The effects are invasive; the emotional and physical damage runs so deep it seems there’s slim chance for recovery. But there is hope - I just read a heartbreaking and inspiring article in Marie Claire magazine about a gutsy young girl, a friend of Pross, actually, named Sreypov Chan, who escaped this brutality when she was 10 years old and is now reaching out to other girls and women to help them to safety and a better life.
Vanessa: Every helping hand makes a difference. Clearly, these conditions are severe and untenable and we must work together to ensure justice and safety for women. We must all stand up for what is right and just and good.
Natalie: Are our girls and women safe from this abuse in the West?
Vanessa: There is no geographical safety net. For example, over 130 million girls have been subjected to female mutilation and cutting with the practice being prevalent throughout the Middle East, Europe, Africa, even North America and Australia.
Nearly 1 million girls and women are trafficked across national borders each year, most destined for sexual slavery. Almost half are minors. This business model of forced prostitution is remarkably similar throughout Cambodia, Pakistan, India, Vietnam and even the United States. In the Western sphere we are subjected to a more subtle form of sexism through the perpetual ‘dumbing down’ of women through the mass media’s focus and worship of celebrities.
Natalie: Women are the mothers of creation, yet continue to be subjugated and vilified - what should we be aware of regarding women and important health issues?
Vanessa: 300 million women world wide still do not have access to quality family planning and more than half a million women are dying from preventable complications of pregnancy. In Afghanistan for instance, one mother dies every 27 minutes from complications relating to childbirth, and in India half of all babies risk serious health complications due to a lack of antenatal care.
Natalie: What is the impact of the disparity of education for women?
Vanessa: Alarmingly, approximately 60 million girls do not have access to primary school education and over two-thirds of the worlds illiterate are comprised of women. As the saying goes, when you educate the woman you educate the family, because women tend to be the natural caregivers and teachers within the family context.
Natalie: How do these alarming realities correlate with women’s circumstances in Australia, and say, the United States?
Vanessa: I think – apart from the ongoing and pervasive issue of domestic and sexual violence – there has never been a better time to be a woman in western society. In Australia and America we enjoy more opportunities than ever before and I make every effort to enjoy the liberty, equality and sense of freedom that comes with being an Australian female.
If service is the rent we pay for living, then it is up to the strong and empowered women of the western world to help our sisters in need.
victims each year. To see young innocent children forced into a life
of sexual slavery is something that is so profoundly sad that one
cannot help but want to do everything in their power to put an end
to this crime that is so easily ignored.” - Susan Sarandon
http://www.somaly.org
Natalie: So what is our Call to Arms? How do we resolve such a huge and widespread problem?
Vanessa: As Mother Theresa said, “If we have no peace it is because we have forgotten we belong to each other.” One of the greatest things we can do for women worldwide is to provide more resources for education. By educating women - we are providing them greater opportunities for jobs, economic freedom and independence. Additionally, women need to be taught how to have a plan so they can leave. In many patriarchal societies (and also in the States and western sphere) many women tolerate abusive situations because they don’t know the way out. In order to end this global emergency we must unify our efforts. We need to provide more access to justice!
Natalie: Where are the examples we can look to for inspiration?
Vanessa: I love the saying, ‘those who say it can’t be done are usually interrupted by others doing it.’ Thankfully, there are so many people committed to fighting the good fight!
Cory Booker, the Mayor of Newark, New Jersey, has established a groundbreaking and innovative program addressing the issue of domestic violence where free legal services are provided to low-income domestic violence victims. This effectively breaks the cycle of abuse by allowing women (regardless of their economic situation) to have the freedom to seek help, counsel and justice through legal representation. Mayor Booker says, “It is our aim to lift the voices of good people and try and stop a very silent and insidious problem in our community which is domestic violence. We now have a program in Newark, which offers not only legal support but also economic support, which is part of our strategy to end violence within the community. This program provides victims of domestic violence with practical tools and spiritual strength they need to heal the wounds and get on with their lives.”
We need to end the silence by harnessing our media resources to focus on this alarming crisis. I salute the likes of Jeffery Gettleman, a reporter for The New York Times who has spent a great deal of time in the Congo trying to alert people to the horrific crimes there. He says “Every day women and girls who have been raped show up at hospitals. Many have been so sadistically attacked from the inside out, butchered by bayonets and assaulted with chunks of wood, that their reproductive and digestive systems are beyond repair.”
Natalie: Many people feel overwhelmed already raising their families, developing their careers and relationships and trying to keep their heads above water. How is there time? How do small efforts help this huge problem?
Vanessa: Joining and supporting groups such as UNIFEM (United Nations Development Fund for Women), V-Day and others is a great way to become involved and catalyze change. UNIFEM recently launched a fantastic Internet based campaign - Say NO to Violence Against Women http://www.unifem.org and (www.saynotoviolence.org). This site allows people to demonstrate their support and to provide a donation to the UN Trust Fund. Already this Trust Fund has awarded almost $20 million in over 120 countries!
Natalie: If we have a moment to take a quiz, play Farmville, check stocks, movie times and email, we have a moment to contribute. Every effort, every step, whether small or large, is a step forward.
Vanessa: Right! As Marian Wright Edelman, president of the Children’s Defense Fund, says, “If we think we don’t owe any money or time to help… then we are part of the problem rather than the solution…” If we stand up and start taking action in whatever small ways we can, then that’s how we change the world.
Natalie: What else is going on around the globe for us to plug into?
The Obama administration has also made moves to fight traffickers with the implementation of the Wilberforce Act, which strengthens sanctions on countries that allow sex slavery.
Natalie: Unity is a must, and to quote Isabel Allende, "Women working together - linked, informed & educated - can bring peace and prosperity to this forsaken planet." How can we help our sisters, mothers and daughters to thrive?
Vanessa: Great question. First up we need to know there IS something we can do. Often the challenge can seem so big or overwhelming we are tempted to shy away. We need to believe in our hearts that collective action will result in significant and lasting change. The key is doing what we can on a micro level, which in turn impacts on a macro level. For instance – is someone you know in need of help? Is there a local centre or charity that you can devote your time and energy to? Basically we need to do whatever we can, whenever we can to progress the situation. I am a big believer in grabbing opportunities as they arise, so if you feel a particular cause or organization pulling you – jump in and see if you can lend a hand.
Breaking the silence on these issues, enhancing legal protection, preventing violence and promoting safety are the ultimate steps that need to be taken. By joining organizations such as UNIFEM (United Nations Development Fund for Women) at www.unifem.org we help get the ball rolling. It has been said that the worlds’ atrocities happen not because of a small minority of evil people but because of the inaction of the masses. I’m a woman of faith and believe the solution lies in praying with our hearts and our minds, and also with our hands and our feet.
Natalie: How do we create a more unified consciousness and progressive action? What will it take?
Vanessa: Ideally a paradigm shift needs to take place. Loving and serving one another is always the answer. We need to direct our focus away from our own economic gain and onto the things that really matter. Martin Luther King said it well: "...We must walk on in the days ahead with an audacious faith in the future. When our days become dreary with low-hovering clouds of despair, and when our nights become darker than a thousand midnights, let us remember that there is a creative force in this universe... a power that is able to make a way out of no way and transform dark yesterdays into bright tomorrows. Let us realize the arc of the moral universe is long, but it bends toward justice." Praying and believing in a better future is paramount, but we must also match the faith with action.
Natalie: How can catalyzing our own personal evolution help to manifest transformation for the quality of life of women around our world?
Vanessa: Live authentically. Quentin Crisp, the author and lecturer wrote: “You must find that part in life that fits you and then give up acting; your profession is being.” I salute gutsy individuals brave enough to march to the beat of their own drum, go against the inert crowd and take risks. Every single person is born with his or her own unique and highly specific gift - when we are using our gift is when we find our greatest happiness. This benefits us personally because we are fulfilled on a deeper level, and also on a global scale because if everyone were ‘being true,’ doing what he or she was born to do, the world would be a much more peaceful and joyous place. Living authentically is an important key to transforming our human race.
Natalie: We’re building women every moment of every breath of every day, what can we do to shore up and rebuild from the landslide of smut for sales – and that ever so subtle pseudo-commercialized version - that women of all ages are served up and face in our culture?
We need to take the focus off the superficial and mindlessness, and get back to the heart of living. Who is making a difference in the world? Who is taking risks and daring to live passionately? Let these be the women and men we promote and salute!
It irks me that magazines are primarily filled with images of celebrities, when we could be devoting our journalistic energy and media space to those contributing and catalyzing our evolution, and making this world a better place.
Natalie: How does the media’s representation of women differ in other parts of the world – what can we learn from other cultures to catalyze change?
Vanessa: On the whole, the media is unimaginative and obsessed with the inane. But we have the power to change this! It must grow from the roots up, and as consumers we need to exercise our voices and make demands. Esprit ran a print campaign in the 80’s where their models were regular everyday girls… ordinary people with interesting quirks. This was a good start and I’d like to see more of that… let the stars of campaigns be adventurers, champions, women who have battle scars from life and whose faces show their stories.
We need to take the emphasis off this weird construct currently existing, including teenage stick figures with line free faces and limited life experience, and redefine what it means to be beautiful.
Natalie: To paraphrase a discussion with Jose Silva…it seems humanity is stuck. Technology is advancing, we’re working really hard to make education better, and work standards better – so WHY aren’t we working harder to make a better human being? Vanessa, how do we begin?
Vanessa: I feel it’s a question of society becoming less spiritual, and more urbanized. If we feel society is losing its soul then it’s up to us to shift our focus to the poetry in our lives.
The key lies in taking the time to stop and enjoy the simple things, and relating, serving and responding to one another. For me the best things in life are free – friendships, sunshine, prayer, love, ocean, laughter, solitude and contemplation. Emerson argued that no man could immerse himself in nature without himself becoming divine. “In nature the material is degraded before the spiritual. Nature is the appendix of the soul. When we ascend into nature’s region we know the thoughts of the Higher Being.”
Natalie: How do we stimulate a call to higher consciousness?
Vanessa: By using our own unique gifts we empower ourselves and strengthen our world. If enough people question and challenge the status quo, and stand up for what is right, then that is how we’ll change the world.
Natalie: You’ve mentioned the US First Lady, Michelle Obama and philanthropist Melinda Gates as your role models. What about them, their lives, accomplishments or views, attract you?
Vanessa: They’re strong, gutsy, beautiful inside and out, passionate and brave. I love their dedication to being the best version of themselves they can be; thriving individuals who have flourishing family lives as well. I also uphold their commitment to service and giving back.
Natalie: Who else would you consider a [R]evolutionary woman, to add to your list of Female Footsteps to Follow?”
Vanessa: Marian Wright Edelman, founder of the Children’s Defense Fund and the first African American woman to practice law, inspires me. She used her gifts as a voice for the poor, minority and handicapped children and operated under the belief that we all have an obligation to help change and progress the world we live in. Harriet Tubman, who fought for the abolition of slavery, would be another. Closer to home I am inspired by USA national tae kwon do champion and professor of music Elaine Kwon, and also Australian artist and author, Emma Magenta.
Natalie: What do you do for fun in your time off?
Vanessa: Ha! Actually my work and play usually all blend together. My days are typically filled with writing, musing, walking, reading, swimming, socializing, travel, solitude, art and avoiding anything anchored in the mundane. I love traversing the globe, exploring new places and immersing myself in different cultures… I am always happiest and feel most inspired when in or near the ocean. I’m a big fan of the transcendentalists (like Thoreau and Emerson) so my work and social life tend to be pretty evenly matched with solitude and contemplation.
Vanessa: To be a great writer you need to lead an interesting life, so seeking out adventure will continue to be a priority. I’m currently collaborating with a couple of Los Angeles television production houses regarding some USA based projects and would love to do a PEACE book at some stage. I’m also looking forward to completing an ongoing (global) project on love and relationships, which investigates how people fall in love and stay happily together.
Natalie: Thanks so much Vanessa – for your thoughtful contributions, generosity & love. We can’t wait!
*Why Are We Whispering’s Call to Arms - UNITY*
"Women working together - linked, informed & educated - can bring peace and prosperity to this forsaken planet." Isabel Allende
Join Us!
Help our sisters, mothers, grandmothers and daughters to thrive.
United Nations Trust Fund to End Violence Against Women
http://www.saynotoviolence.org/V-Day
V-Day is a global movement to end violence against women and girls that raises funds and awareness through benefit productions of Playwright/Founder Eve Ensler’s award winning play The Vagina Monologues and other artistic works.http://www.vday.org/
Somaly Mam Foundation
To give victims and survivors a voice in their lives, liberate victims, end slavery, and empower survivors as they create and sustain lives of dignity.http://www.somaly.org/
Oprah’s Call To Action
www.oprah.com/forallwomenHalf The Sky
Nicholas D. Kristof and Sheryl WuDunn’s site based on the extraordinary NY Times best selling book Half the Sky: Turning Oppression into Opportunity for Women Worldwide – they have an incredible RESOURCES PAGE for you to get involved! Link In!http://www.halftheskymovement.org/
http://kristof.blogs.nytimes.com/
GlobalGiving.com for women & girls
http://www.globalgiving.com/dy/v2/content/themes.html?themeName=Women%20and%20GirlsKnow someone catalyzing positive change for women?
Send us a link in our Suggestion Box and we’ll include it here!
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